Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris shot someone.......with a knife.

Chuck can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, 
the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that 
Chuck Norris is Jewish.

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris can hear sign language.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." 
He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chance."

Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him, so he tracked down nothing and killed it.

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the hell he wants.

Chuck Norris can make a slinky go upstairs.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.

• Superman wears Chuck Norris underpants.
• Chuck Norris was once put on the wrapper for a toilet paper company. The company field tested it but it didn't work because Chuck Norris doesn't take crap from nobody
• When Chuck Norris does pushups, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down
• The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick. They didn't even come close
• If you want a list of Chuck Norris’ enemies, just check the extinct species list.
• When Chuck Norris falls out of a boat he dosn't get wet the water gets Chuck Norrised
• Chuck Norris is suing NBC for their show Law & Order claiming it is the trademarked names of his left and right legs.
• The Boogeyman checks his closet for Chuck Norris every nigh
• Darth Vader dresses up as Chuck Norris for Halloween.
• If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more than you.
• When girls have sex with god, they scream CHUCK NORRIS!!
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
• There is no Life or Death, only Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicking you in the face.
• There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
• Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
• The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
• Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
• Who would win the race between Ironman and Superman to the moon?
• 
  
• Chuck Norris
• God's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
• Chuck Norris's hard nipples on a cold day are the best way to cut through diamond.
• chuck norris died 20 years ago. death just never had the guts to tell him.
• Chuck Norris's immune system single-handedly defeated the German army. The rest of the war was just for show
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because the only element he understands is the element of surprise.
• Chuck Norris invented the tooth fairy, as a way to compensate for round house kicking everybody to the face.
• everytime chuck norris has sex he has to fix the hole in the wall the next morning
• chuck norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana
• Daddy didn't take her T-bird away... Chuck Norris did.
• Chuck Norris is the real reason Mitt Romney dropped out of the presidential race.
• Osama Bin Laden hates the USA because he is envious that Chuck Norris is there