Jokes

Yo Mama Jokes

Yo mama feet are so big her shoes have to have license plates!

Yo mama aint so bad...she would give you the hair off of her back!

Yo mama lips so big, Chap Stick had to invent a spray.

It took yo mama 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldnt get used to the front seat!

Yo mama hips are so big, people set their drinks on them.

Yo mama hair so nappy she has to take Tylenol just to comb it.

Yo mama so clumsy she got tangled up in a cordless phone.

Yo mama so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on.

Yo mama twice the man you are.

Yo mama cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo.

Yo mama is missing a finger and can't count past nine.

Yo mama arms are so short, she has to tilt her head to scratch her ear.

Yo mama middle name is Rambo.

Yo mama in a wheelchair and says, "You ain't gonna puch me 'round no more."

Yo mama rouchy, the McDonalds she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals.

Yo mama so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

Yo mama mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound.

Yo mama gums are so black she spits Yoo-hoo.

Yo mama breath smell so bad when she yawns her teeth duck.

I saw your mama at the freak show petting the world's largest turtle.

I saw your mama kicking a can down the street. I asked her what she was doing, and she said "Moving."

Yo mama teeth are so rotten, when she smiles they look like dice.

Blonde Jokes


Q: Why do Blondes wear earmuffs?
A: To avoid the draft.


Q: Why did the blonde stare at the can of frozen orange juice for two hours?
A: Because the can said "concentrate" on it.


Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell her a joke on Wednesday.


Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.


Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs?
A: They don't know the route.



Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.


Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off

Insurance Jokes for Fun for Today

INSURANCE AGENTS

Insurance agents never retire, they just expire.

Insurance agents are premium lovers.

Insurance agents do it with third parties.

Turning Age 65

What´s the best thing about turning 65? No more calls from life insurance agents.

Marry an insurance agent

A woman was in the hospital after feeling very ill. The doctor says to her, "I have some bad news for you. You only have three months to live."

"Oh that´s terrible," the woman sighs, "what am I going do?"

The doctor replies, "Marry an insurance agent."

"Will I live longer?" asks the woman. "

"No," replies the doctor, "but it will SEEM longer."

Lowering your IQ

A super genius goes in to see a doctor. "Doc," the genius says, "I think I´m too smart. I´m having trouble even communicating with people because we have no common frame of reference, and it´s ruining my social life. Can anything be done?"

The doctor runs a series of tests on the genius, and indeed finds that he is too smart. He says, "Currently, your IQ is 250, which is vastly superior to an average man. This is why your having trouble communicating. I do have a cure, however. I have a machine that will drain away some of your intellegence, leaving you with an IQ of 160. You´ll still be a genius, but you should be able to lead a normal life as well."

The genius immediately agrees to the treatment, so the doctor straps him into the machine.

Just as the doctor turns on the device, he gets a phone call from his ex-wife. They have a heated phone conversation for several minutes before the doctor remembers his patient. He rushes back, and is shocked when he sees the IQ readout at 75.

The doctor says, "Are you all right?"

The former genius just stares blankly.

The doctor shakes him, saying "Say Something."

The former genius replies, "Can I interest you in a health insurance policy?"

My Group Insurance Plan

I thought my group insurance plan was fine until I discovered that I couldn´t collect until the whole group is sick.

Life insurance is weird

Life insurance is really strange. It´s a weird concept. You really don´t get anything for it. It works like this: You pay me money. And when you die, I´ll pay you money.

Do you Know who I am?

A state adopts strict new insurance self study CE requirements for its agents. The tests they now require are very difficult, can take no more than an hour to complete, and must be taken at a certified testing center.

On the first day of the new requirements, an agent wanders into a testing center a half hour late.

"You´ll never finish this test on time," the test administrator coldly states.

"Just give me the test," replies the agent, "I´ll finish it."

Skeptically, the administrator gives the agent the test.

The time limit comes and passes and yet the agent still has not completed the test. Finally, a half hour after the test time limit, the agent brings his test up to the administrator, who is correcting a large stack of tests.

"You can´t turn that in," states the test administrator, "you knew there was a time limit."

"Do you know who I am?" replies the agent.

"No", says the administrator.

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM???" the agent says more forcefully.

"No, and I really don´t care" replies the administrator, slightly annoyed.

"Good," says the agent, who quickly shoves his test into the middle of the stack the administrator is correcting and walks out the door.